~SingleTearInTheRain

Oh where to start, where to start?

Life? Well first, what is life? I think of it as day-to-day happenings. I think of it as all that happens to you, that's life. hm.

So much has been happening, yet so little. I feel depressed like I used to, like before I went to Prairie View hospital. I've not had 'suicidal thoughts' or self-harming needs, but I still feel...helplessly hopeless. hm. that'd make a good poem title...better make a side note of that...

The recent losses in my social life have really affected me. Losing Jordan in October really took me down a couple notches, then losing 2 kittens, then Jana Mackey died, and then my mom's friend Teethe (Teresa). It all has really taken a toll on my emotions (and my left arm).

Sick of all the loss in the last couple months, hearing about Teethe really made me snap. I was frustraited, hurt, angry, sad, and felt the need to just...break something....which I did...I ended up punching a wall until my arm broke. Now that's surprising. I've never in my life been violent when I was angry. Actually, I've never been violent. So this was worrysome to me. I mean, violent tendencies developing inside of me? What next? I don't want to think about what else could possibly happen. My arm hurts so much....I have a doctor appointment in the morning to get a follow-up X-ray and then they'll cast it.

On another note, it seems like my friends basically live at my house. Some coming over every day. Yet I feel alone, lonely, and like I've been basically abandoned. I've never really felt the need to surround myself with my friends, but now I feel as if they've all been away for months.

's always busy, so that's understandable, but I guess, I always feel neglected by my friends now. I don't know, it's probably just the depression.

My drawing has gotten WAY better they tell me. They say I should draw with a broken arm more often, but it's hard. My arm hurts the whole way through, and gets tired so quickly. It takes me about 4-5 hours to completely finish a single small drawing. Even typing gets me worn out.

On that note, my fanfictions continue to go neglected, while I finally updated (and completed) one chapter in the novel I'm writing. I don't know...I'm not, like, super proud of it...but I don't think it's terrible...

AFW4 (Anime Festival Wichita 4) is on August 16-17th and I'm thrilled. I only have enough money to pay for my share of the room and for gas/food, but I promised Peter Pixie I'd work his booth for an hour or so and he said I got to keep a percentage of anything I sell and I also get a present :3 YAY. Because my cosplay has my knockers hanging out, I'm sure I'll draw attention to the booth lol. said that b/c I broke my arm and everyone on the forums knows I can't do work on the farm that I work at, that I'll get sympathy presents, but I don't really want sympathy presents >>; it makes me feel bad that I can't pay for them.

Everyone on the forums said they'll give me big hugs when they see me. :3 I love my cyber-geek-friends. They make me smile. I can't wait to see everyone again. Austin (Gin), Gavin, Tobi-chan, Peter Pixie, Hanataro, TC (Dr. Hentai) and everyone. I'm so excited.

It's really late, so I'm going to finish up now. Later peeps.